Reborn

As i clunked down the subway stairs the rain was swept up and sprayed my exposed flesh to remind me i wasn't dreaming. I got clear of the subway overpass to embrace the spring shower with open arms and an upward smile, i felt reborn, i felt alive again. Chipper despite a long hot day on the line, happy and unable to process the fact that everything i said i would do, i did. "Passion is contagious" something my favorite chef in culinary school used to tell me when he noticed i had been downtrodden by the businesses dark side, the repetitiveness can be maddening if you let it consume you during moments of weakness. The best of us are able to pull passion from others in these situations and grind the day out with hopes of tomorrow being a little better on the bottoms of your feet. Its hard to describe the looks exchanged in the belly of the beast when the shits hitting the fan, its a controlled panic, a desperation to find a way out of the mess you've allowed yourself to be buried under. theres comfort in those moments, its where the love that goes into food comes from. I love that about being a chef, digging something out of your soul you never knew was there, going that little extra step that takes another 20 seconds for the diner, making food art.

scared of the dark

Clever wordplay and relentless patience
I'm running into something
Something I'm afraid of
Sometimes I sulk sometimes I'm wasted
Pessimism's easy with the fruits I've tasted

Tonight I'll stare at the stars while I walk into bars
Try to cover these scars with my smile and charm

Running with scissors been cut before
Like an addict I chase it like I'm going to war
Fill it with less but dreaming of more
Trying to upgrade to settle the score

This is what I'm left with
These are the lows
Love your life
I hope you'll never know

Dragging

Waiting for that new shiny thing
To brighten my life again
I know laying here
 has never gotten me anything
But what's the point of leaving
When my displeasure in this is obvious 
You're still there pulling on me
It's hard to move forward 
when I've left everything behind

It's as hard as I expected
constant doubt and rejection
Just want a new beginning 
So I can smile about my ending 

I hope my sorrow wakes you at night
I know you feel me
You say you're sending me love
It's not that easy
Reminders plague my apartment
Memories haunt my dreams
Remember when we were unstoppable

It's as hard as I expected
constant doubt and rejection
Just want a new beginning 
So I can smile about my ending

I'll sit here writing sad songs 
Wonder how long since you last called
It doesn't make things any better
Here comes the pressure of winter weather 
I need to peel this old skin off
And find a way to be reborn 
Another day I'll sit in silence 
Could've would've should've gone...

look out below

wheres that focus that drive you're known for
walk through that fire, get tan, warm up
who cares if its half empty, pound it

your life or mine?

stay away from that yellow line
i just need to know that you'll be okay
stop checking up on me...

stfungtfoh

this foundations cracked
please be careful
stay close to the edges
dont get too deep
this surface was abandoned
just dont get involved
tear it down and start over!
its not worth the trouble
spruce up the yard
a sucker will bite
its far too obvious im condemned

dont let your guard down

push these feeling into the fire
dont look for me when your down and out
my part has been played i hope you noticed
these words come easy when im sober
these emotions hit hard when im not

ill lie here wondering
would it work?
id fuck it up just like always
end up worse
i have one hand on this bottom rung
i needed your help
but now im done

face your demons its a lonely world
forget my passion and the sound of my voice
goofy and awkward its easy to laugh at
that smile however makes you a magnet
fuck my life is all i can feel
im looking for a way out but all these doors are locked
ill filter through these desperate stragglers
its depressing i know
i can fake it good enough
i can make it good enough

your secret is safe with my bedroom

its open come in, don't make a sound
your innocent eyes twinkle in the candle light
i dare you to step just one step closer
you cant resist, our electric past pulls us closer
i push my bottom lip slowly up your ear
tonight we get to know each other
you kiss me hard forgetting to care
skin touches skin and you swell with expectations
get these clothes out of our way i need to feel you
i carry you somewhere comfy, you giggle all the way
you feel like a kid again but your ready to be my woman
gently we relax, we kiss slowly take it slower
i feel you shaking, its never been like this
its been building for so long
beg me and bite me
i want to taste your sweat
you're already wet
i make you need it, just take it easy
you forget about the time and focus on the pleasure
you pull me up and push me in
our love is something we can taste
i work, you whine
you tell me you love me
your body is telling me your ready to explode
you twitch your way to extacy
i kiss your neck and sing you to sleep
i wake up, take a shower and try to forget you were never here...